The Lightest of Touches

So it's been a while since I posted anything on here, but with the way I feel right this moment in time I needed a space to write it all, a release.

This is not a post with a photo I retook 12 times, touched up and edited to make it look the way I feel it's supposed to look. This is a real post about real emotions, emotions which I, along with so many others, experience on a day to day basis and live with, usually in silence.

The past few days have been a combination of anxiety and mild panic.  Nothing so bad I've had a full on panic attack, but enough that I could feel it there, building in the background.  It's as if the phone never stops buzzing, the cars outside never stop running past, the people at work never stop judging and talking behind your back and everything just becomes too much, its all just too...  Thats the only way I can describe it...just too...

My mind is racing through a million different possibilities, each one more terrifying than the next, and although the distraction of the world outside can make this stop for a while and force my mind to focus on something else; the struggle to enter that outside world, that reality, becomes ever more present and all consuming.

Do you ever just lay in bed in the morning and struggle to get up?  And I don't mean from tiredness or because it would be nice to have an extra 5 minutes to snooze.  But because the weight of the world is crushing you, pushing you down, pinning you to the bed and try a you might, you can't get up?

My dad always used to tell us how easy it is to stop someone moving if you apply pressure in the right places.  Push on their forehead, just lightly, and they can't get up.  They physically cannot lift their head to get up.  All that from the lightest of touches.

That's what its like inside my head.  The lightest of touches is all it needs and I can't raise my head, try as I might.  No matter how hard I struggle or push or force my every energy into that one survival instinct, get up and get out.

This doesn't make us weak, those who are held by this touch.  A child could hold a man with one finger, so long as he knew where to apply the pressure.  It is simply a case of finding the point and baring down on it so as to incapacitate but not destroy.

That is what depression and anxiety do so well, they find your point and they bare down with no regard for the lightest of touches.  They may even give you a few days off, maybe a week, maybe a month, but they never forget just where to apply that pressure to pin you down whenever they desire...

I don't know if anyone will read this, or if it would make sense to anyone but me.  But I wanted to write this down now; right as I was feeling it, right as it is about to bare down on me the moment I turn off this screen and stop pushing against it so as to write this post.  

If this is you tonight, you are not alone.  We are not born into this world alone and I refuse to believe we exit it alone either.  There is always someone there, even in the darkest times; it's just a case of waiting until your eyes adjust x

Tartan Treasures

Whilst having a little wander through TK Maxx the other day I stumbled upon a stand packed with Burberry Make up, from mascara to foundation to eyeshadow to lip gloss, if you can name it it was there.

Seeing as it was all marked down, I thought it'd be due not to pick a couple bits up!  I chose the Velvet Foundation in Trench No.201 and the Fresh Glow luminous fluid base in Nude Radiance No.01.  I've worn them both a couple times and am loving them!  The consistency of both is really lovely to apply and they look so flawless on the skin.  

The Velvet Foundation lasts aaages and blends so well, a little bit definitely goes a hella long way!  The Fresh Glow is gorgeous too, like a giant bottle of liquid highlighter that soaks into the skin and leaves you looking all healthy and shimmery.  It's perfect for those summer days when you want something on your face but not a whole face of heavy make up.

I'm not sure I could have forked out £35 each for them, but seeing as they were £20 each in TK Maxx I figured it was practically buy on get one free (that's what I told myself anyway!)

Steph

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It's a Wrap

Wrapping gifts has got to be in my top 10 things I love to do, Christmas turns me into a kid in a sweetshop!  The different papers,  the cute tags, the ribbons, the raffia, even just brown paper packages tied up with string (see what I did there haha!)  Maybe it's a throwback to my days in the chippy wrapping endless portions of fish and chips...

...anyway! When one of my besets friends' birthday rolled around and I got to send her a parcel full of goodies I was super excited.  In terms of the actual shopping for the gifts, getting them delivered and figuring out what to get her...lets just say I sent the parcel 2 weeks after her birthday (oops!) but once I had everything there, I was whirlwind of wrapping, packaging and making it all look beautiful.

It all started with a box...

...I found this one at TK Maxx and loved the message on the top.  It's so nice to be able to make the packaging itself part of the gift and something you can keep.  This one had little section cards inside as well so you can organise those photos even if they're not in the albums yet.

To put in the box I ordered some Michael Todd skin care products.  I'v been using these for a little while now and, although they can be pricey (especially with customs charges, why don't I live  in the USA?) they are all organic, vegan and so kind to your skin.  I ordered the sensitive skin bridal package (my friend isn't getting married but she has super sensitive skin so I erred on the side of caution!)

I also picked up a copy of The Vintage Tea Party a book I was given for my birthday and absolutely love.  My friend loves to bake and the whole book just instantly made me think of her.

Once I'd finally gotten round to getting all the bits and bobs to go in the box I filled it with tissue paper (I told myself it was to protect the presents in the post, but it was totally just because it looks cute!) and wrapped the book in the same paper.  I put the book  on top of the other presents so it was more of a surprise when she opened it and all she saw was tissue paper.

And then just to keep it all together in the post I tied the box shut with some raffia and slid the birthday card under the bow.

I had so much fun putting this little box together and parcelling it up in brown paper to take to the post office, and I know it will have put a smile on my friend's face to open something that's had a little time and effort spent on it.

Steph

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